| | Something has happened to me. I'm not really sure what it is. Its like an awakening of some kind. But before I get all carried away about that, first I have to say what happened thursday. Well. I went to the high school and bumped into some people I met last year. One of which I thought was the....I dunno how to explain it....like "the guy" at school. I call him my second viktor. Like the one guy in school who is the hottest and has the best personality and is so cool that you would never have a chance with. Thats what viktor was to me and now this guy is just like that. But anyways. I hung out with him....we shall call him V2.....I hung out with V2 and this guy who me and my sisters call Tito. Tito is all into me. Kinda weird cause he's not my type, but every time I would hug someone or someone would talk to me Tito would start shit with them. It was funny, but also weird, I've never known anyone like that. Someone so into me they don't want anyone to have me. So I hung out with them until like 5. My school starts at 6 so I knew there was no way of getting there on time. And if you can't get there on time you might as well not go at all. So then me and V2 left and WOW, he lives in walking distance of me. Creepy or what? So we stopped by his house. Then came to mine and smoked some weed in my backyard. Man....He is so freakin cool. But like I said, he is one of those I would never have a chance cause he is to good for me and doesn't think of me like that at all. But damn....if only if only. When I was getting him out of my backyard my step mom drove up, scared the shit out of him, he prolly won't talk to me anymore. But yeah he left and I haven't talked to him since because thursday night he left to go somewhere and won't be coming back till wednesday. -sigh- I feel bad cause my step mom really freaked the shit out of him. But after scaring her I was stoned and she asked me what I was doing home. I lied and said no one was at school. After that I kept laughing cause of how stupid my reason was and she knew I was lying. I felt bad. But everything is settled now. Hopefully I can hang out with V2 more often, I really like him.....
So other then that. Yes the difference. Well I've been high for almost a week straight. I used to do that all the time, but I dunno, this time it just, it opened my eyes. I've always been about living for the moment and all that shit. But I never really knew how much I could be into it. I started thinking about things that don't even matter. I would sit and just think about some trivial thing and it would just waste all my time. I dunno what is really going on. I've had "awakening" moments in my life before and they all faded so I am waiting for this one to fade as well. But this time....I'm not sure. I started thinking about killing people. Like just to see what it would be like. How refreshing it would feel having someones life in your hands and then you just take it all away. Thats what being god is all about. I started thinking about what it would be like if I became a murderer. I can actually see that happening....but the sad thing is...it doesn't scare me. I think it would be the best thing in the world to just put on my head phones and go kill someone so violently and without mercy. And then I was thinking, think about how it would feel if in the end I never got caught. That would just be...orgasmic almost. Usually I scare myself with my horrible thoughts, but I don't know. Some people just need to die, why can't I be the one to kill them? I wouldn't kill for revenge or anything. I'm not sure what kind of people I would kill or why. I would just do it. Just live life to the fullest. See everything and do everything in life. damn. I need some more weed.....
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| | Posted 9/8/2007 2:23 AM - 10 Views - 2 eProps - 1 Comment
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